Participate it in spite of failure│Barbara’s Yale Speech

 

Grandma’s story (文字版)

For the past few days, I have tried to instruct to you what I have learned from Barbara’s commencement speech. About passion, choice, and the value in your self.

Today I want to tell you the most impressive point I learned from Barbara, which is also the reason why I think I should pass this speech to you.

It all comes from the little story of Barbara’s family. One day, her grandmother Lily gathered all her children together and told them “I think I am still a virgin.”

All the children got confused, and said “how is that even possible?”

We are here, we are all your children. That means you must do something with Grandpa.

Lily answered “I did, but I never participated it.”

Participate!

You see. We can spend a lot time, doing a lot of things, popping questions, giving comments, but still eventually, we may still get nothing, And feel like virgin.

I was struck by this story and think this may be the only solution to solve all the problems, and the doubts in our mind.

What is our passion? How do we choose? What value do we have?

Only after we really participate it, do we realize it is true or false. Is it right or wrong? Is it real or just a fantasy.

Participation here means that you must try something that you could possibly fail. Make your own choice that is not perfect. Take on all those challenges and difficulties, because that defines who you are.

Above all, you must participate all the relationship you really care. Because that’s where we find our value.

End of the first week

So here comes the end of our first commencement speech learning. I hope you really do learn something. And you may find more problems and questions than answers.

That’s normal.  If you need answers, no one can provide you anything. But still it is a good start to trigger the journey of your own.

So if I can choose one thing and tell you to remember that. I hope you can remember this:

Don’t be a virgin, don’t be a forever child, just participate it.

我的評論

上週在後台有人問我,用什麼標準挑選演講,又怎麼選每篇演講的主題?

最重要的標準是:自己印象很深刻。

4個主題用4天分開介紹,雖然內容可以延伸比較多,但也捨去了其他主題,原始講者的安排被打亂之後,演講給聽眾的感受,也沒這麼強烈了。

所以你應該把原音,從頭聽一遍,現在大部分內容都了解,聽演講也比較容易跟得上。

當初選演講時,並沒有馬上想到Barbara,因為我早就忘記Barbara的內容,但心裡一直有個關鍵字”participate”。

我知道我想講它──participate。

人們喜歡思考、喜歡評論,喜歡八卦,在這些過程當中,我們困惑、迷茫、生氣、難過、忿忿不平、好奇、興奮、爽快。

但滿滿的情緒也改變不了任何事情,從理性的角度來看,事實上情緒往往讓事情變得更糟。

這不是說思考和討論不重要,但所有的言論必須要落實到行動上,才能發揮更大的力量。

反過來,只有行動也沒有用,那就像Barbara的奶奶,臨死前還覺得自己是處女,

認知和行動其實都是過程的環節,participate要求的是,最終你能做出改變,或者有更深的體會。

當我們思考自己的目標和方向,猶疑每一個重大的決定,或者想尋找自己的價值時,我們花了大量的時間在腦袋裡想像,但其實更重要的是,在過程中努力的參與。

之所以傾向花大量的時間決策,為的就是避免犯錯,減少吃虧,為此花心力當然是對的,可問題是我們不可能不犯任何錯誤。

我們往往是踩著錯誤前進。

而在追求完美正確的心態之下,每個人把自己弄得像「處女」一樣,不是天真無邪令人嚮往的情人,而是心裡充滿各種情緒,卻又毫無經驗(或只有老舊經驗)的人。

我常想,一個社會容忍錯誤的能力太低,人們只好盡可能地掩飾錯誤,或者乾脆停止行動了。

此時想要改變和前進,只有越來越難。

這不是一個能簡單解決的問題,但回到自身,心裡那些迷茫的困惑,也許只有嘗試和參與,才能夠找到答案。

今日思考

你平常看書或者聽演講嗎? 你學到的東西,有沒有實際去運用的經驗呢? 歡迎分享。

聽原音

1:17~3:05

本文內容從1分17秒開始,到3分05秒。(可以打開自動翻譯的字幕)

As you heard a few years ago i wrote my memoir it was called audition , because to me life has been a continuous audition. And while writing the book I had to do some research on my family including my paternal grandmother Lilly, whom I had never met.

She was evidently a very elegant and fastidious woman and on her deathbed she turned to her seven children and told them that she was a virgin and they said well how is that possible we are here three sons and four daughters you must have done something with Grandpa.

And she said yes I did but I never participated

So when I was asked if I would come here today to talk with you. I said to myself these kids are smarter than I. And these kids are younger than I. And they are better educated but by god I am going to participate .

You know it’s a daunting task because I’m used to talking everyday on television usually with four other women who interrupt me all the time. So today it’s a great joy to be able to speak uninterruptedly that’s going to make the least bit of difference in your lives even 10 minutes from now

參考資料

(1) 1129得到例會直播

(2) 快樂的第三元素│Notes of Lives

(3) 什麼才是有效的溝通?│Notes of Lives

 

What do you think?